but y tho?

Woke up to my   key andomly not woking on my keyboad. Just the   key. Had to change my passwod and eveything. It was vey fustating tying to figue out why I couldn’t log onto my mac.

I’m tying not to let it affect my entie day lol. But as you can see, it is eally SO annoying. Luckily I am able to hook up my wooden keyboad and the _ works on that. But I keep fogetting and using the native laptop keyboad and then eliving the fustation again. Agh!

Neve appeciated the powe of the lette _ as much as I do now.

Thee should have been foty   ‘s in this post. -_- #annoying #fistwoldpoblems

Oh noooo my #fou key isn’t woking eithe… neithe is my Ffou key. Dammit.

Cash me onstage, how bow dah. (revisit)

It’s hard not to compare yourself to others, especially when you see some of your friends and peers living out your dreams. Sometimes it feels as if I made a wrong turn, or chose the zig zag path. Sometimes doubt kicks in. And after the doubt is quickly erased and pushed out of memory, I still wonder: am I in denial? Does wanting it badly enough and working hard always lead to a successful outcome? How do I remain consistent when there’s so many things I want to do?

They say shoot for the moon, shoot for the stars… but what if you’re still deciding who you are, where you stand? I mean, I’m still looking for a starting line, did I miss it? It feels like I’m running a race. Other times I feel like running away and escaping all the pressure, cuz confession: I still don’t know who I am. Like who am I meant to be? What is God’s plan for me? When will I meet my destiny?  And why can’t I ever see it so damn clearly, like others do? (or pretend to) And is it in His hands, or do I have a say?

Alright, so I could be rushing things… again. I just feel like I’m running out of time. I feel like I’m on the outside… still looking on the outside…

whhhhhew. Just breathe. Take it day, by day, by day….

___

Okay for kicks, I’ll go REALLY BIG then.Career only. Put some crazy things out into the “universe” on this anonymous blog/diary. If even one of these sticks, I will be a happy camper!

2017:

  • I will be admired for my creativity and vision in acting, film and music. This admiration will be conveyed in the form of publicity, red carpet appearances, invite only networking events, increased opportunities and money.
  • I will live completely off of acting, hosting and music and make more than $100K in earnings!
  • I will publish my first EP in 2017! And it will receive 1,000 downloads.
  • I will have an acting reel that I am proud of.

2018:

  • I will produce and star in my own show (and be paid for it!)
  • I will be on Spotify, Pandora, Shazam, Apple Music.
  • I will live in and afford a chic apartment or condo I am proud of
  • I will take my dad on vacation
  • I will be on the Forbes 30 under 30 list.

2019: (2 years)

  • I will be paid to travel the world, meet new people and record my journey.
  • I will work with Chance the Rapper!
  • I will hit 1M views on Youtube.
  • I will have a guest role on Atlanta or similar show that I admire.

2020: (3 years)

  • I will be in a project that plays at Sundance or Cannes. And win.
  • I will pay off my student loans.
  • I will make an appearance on Ellen.

2022: (5 years)

  • I will be a household name for my positive impact on the world.
  • I will have a leading role on a television (or netflix, amazon etc) series.
  • I will star in a major motion picture.
  • I will have a song that hits Billboard #1.
  • I will buy my mom a house.
  • I will buy myself a house.
  • I will own my own business and/or product line.

2024: (7 years)

  • I will be my own version of Childish Gambino / Donald Glover.
  • I will have the means to be an angel investor for a company I believe in.

2027: (10 years)

  • I will win a Grammy.
  • I will win an Emmy.
  • I will meet the Obamas and Oprah. (lol just threw this one in there)

* I revised these an hour later to remove all practicalities and realisms. Dreaming really REALLY big is kinda hard! This was an exercise in freeing my limitations and I wanted these to be absolutely ridiculous and as random as possible.

I will spend time visualizing and saying each one aloud and will call it a night.

__

Update- 5/29/17: I’ve revisited this page 5 times.

Facebook philosophy.

“Reflections from my Sunday reading: It just seems to me that creativity is the real seat of power. Creative people bring us the inventions, the scientific breakthroughs, the art, the new ways of seeing both the world and ourselves, and have done more to advance civilization than pure wealth alone. Wealth seems to follow creativity. And when wealth was used to facilitate advancement, that wealth was bought to bear on the products rendered from the creative mind. The merchants of commerce need creativity less their shelves become bare with obsolescence as their minds are rendered bankrupt waiting for the next great mind to ‘create’ something.” – Regina

Whatever works for you.

You know the saying, if everyone was the same… blah blah. But it’s true. This world, this life, would be SO boring.

I say this because, it feels as if I’m earning my MBA or taking a crash course in life/business theory with all of these podcasts and audiobooks I’ve been listening to this year.

Sidenote – Current audiobook: Growth Hacking: Silicon Valley’s Best Secret. It’s 4:45 am and I can’t sleep, so why not gain some knowledge as I stare at the ceiling for next 3 hours? Btw, my former boss from last year  is the co-author of the book. (The one who I have regular accountability chats with, not the recent disrespectful one still trying to screw over my invoices for the work I completed) This book is GOLD. No lie. Seriously, growth-hacking can be applied to anything, it’s not just exclusive to aspiring tech startup unicorns.

Many of my friends are book readers. They all read the same books, or have similar books on their reading list. (It’s funny, because most of my book loving friends are also really organized or OCD, I wonder if there’s a correlation there.) They all tell me I should read.

But I DO read, I read all the time. I’m constantly on the internet reading random articles and studies, researching my random hypothesis of the day to come to a conclusion that will never matter in the grand scheme of things, studying to be a conversational generalist. My ex calls it “eating the internet” haha. Yes, I am constantly eating the internet.

But I hate having a physical, heavy, bulky book. It takes up space in my house, takes up space in my purse which is already filled to the brim with all of my life’s essentials if the world were to end, I’m always spilling water on it and then I have like a crinkly page or a bent corner, everyone can see what I’m reading on the train… ugh, it’s all just too much for me. So I love me some audiobooks, which are frowned upon by my bibliophiles. I’m also creative and love music… I mean there has to be some correlation right?

Since slashing my friend list to just audiophiles seemed a bit excessive and irrational, I’ve resorted to being content with what works for me. I’ve also learned this as I struggle with adult acne, but that’s fodder for another blog post.

Books vs. Audiobooks vs. Podcasts? As long as a wealth of knowledge is coming in, do whatever works for you. No judgement. Everyone is different.

Just take special care of your eyes and ears kiddos.

A Tale of 3 Slices.

Went over to McMaybe’s apartment. Said he was just going to order pizza because it was easy. I get there, and this man ordered 3 slices. Two for him and one for me.

I looked at him like he was crazy. I was just so confused, trying to resist the urge to laugh, thinking to myself, who says they’re going to order pizza and then orders slices?

He who orders pizza slices for delivery instead of a whole pie, cannot be trusted.

The End.

#filmfodder

Hunger Games.

It feels as if the hunger is going to burn me alive. Internal pain, I can’t sleep. Eternal pain or a sneak peek? I’ve never felt it this strong.

I guess this the part of the story where I take a risk…jump off the cliff… Find something that scares me and do it.

Not sure what that is, so I guess I’ll be shooting blind arrows until I find out!

 

(ooh. more #bars and I didn’t even know it! Might use this for a song)