2017 half – year checkin.

I’m really diggin 2017.

Besides my big international month-long solo trip in winter 2016, last year was for the birds. I guess if one were to compare this year to last year it’d be a no-brainer in terms of “it can only go up from here,” but I wasn’t so sure. There was a moment when I wasn’t sure if anything would get better.

But here I am, in what I feel is and will continue to be one of the best years of my life. And that’s not to say things have been smooth sailing with sands of gold along the shore. Quite the contrary. It actually feels as if I have a resistance band or ball and chain on my ankle for every. single. move. that I make.

But hey, I’m moving! I’m getting somewhere. And that’s something to smile about.

 

Things I’m loving about this year:

HELLO ENLIGHTENMENT! I have had an insatiable appetite for audiobooks, quotes, random knowledge, philosophy, and positive psychology this year. (Even more than I usually do.) All of the books I have “read” so far have had a major impact on my psyche, my behavior patterns and have changed my life for the better. I feel I am blossoming into the best version of myself mentally.

My self-love is off the charts. I’ve had some hiccups on the dating scene, but they have been extremely minor. Mainly because 1) I can now spot fuckboy fukkery from 100 miles away 2) I’ve given up dating for the most part in general… I know, kinda sad, but…3) I’ve been focusing on ME. I’ve been analyzing my sources of joy, when I feel depressed, what lifts me out of of that temporary depression, etc. and piling on the self-love accordingly.

A general sense of freedom, purpose, and pending success. I’m still jobless, yes. I also have a crappy quality reel (footage not my acting!), some B+ headshots and I haven’t nailed any big acting projects yet. But I still feel alive and am excited for something major to pop off this year. My intuition is flaring off the charts and deep down I know it’s not just blind optimism. And even if it is, I’m also taking matters into my own hands by simultaneously creating THREE of my own projects. And hey, those can be a catalyst too.

Quote: The only “break” anyone can afford to rely upon is a self-made “break. – Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

More quality relationships with friends and family. I’ve never been a “go to the club every weekend” kind of girl, but boy have I really been a hermit this year. The upside of this is I’ve been spending lots of time on the phone or catching up with my closest loved ones. I feel like a better best friend, daughter and granddaughter than I have been in the past.

“Networking” 365/7. I’ve been meeting and connecting with so many cool people left and right. I’ve discovered that film festivals and screenings are the best way to meet industry folks, notable directors, legit producers and talented writers, and it’s now my networking method of choice. But in general, people have just been falling into my lap! Uber drivers who are filmmakers, Facebook friends who I haven’t spoken to in ages who are now illustrators and animators working on a film, or interesting creatives and positive people who just want to chat and link. I love people, man. Humanity really shows its best self if you are open and giving of yourself in return.

Taking my craft 3000% seriously. This is an addition to the enlightenment bullet, but the hunger for knowledge extends to growth in my career. I’ve been fine-tuning my craft, doing the work, seeking out extra training, learning from mistakes, reading the greats, watching films and reading plays as homework, learning from my peers, analyzing all art forms, anything that will help me grow as an actress and storyteller, and consequently as a human being.

At the beginning of the year, there was a fun gif with the question: “What will you manifest this year?” with random words flashing underneath. You had to take a screenshot to “reveal your 2017 destiny.” My destiny reavealed: UNICORN. I joked around with friends and said does this mean unicorn as in love or inner unicorn? And someone said jokingly replied, both!

Six months into the year, I’m happy to say I’ve already found both — my inner unicorn and also my enhanced self-love! I’m looking forward to how the next six months pan out  I make my mark on the next six months.

Everything is a choice and I choose happiness and success.

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In New York we have earthquakes, they’re called upstairs neighbors.

I have an upstairs neighbor who is out of control. He has above average stomping capabilities, is extremely restless, and love to drag his furniture all over the floor. I’m convinced he is incapable of doing any activity quietly or sleeping. I have cracks forming in my ceiling now because of him.

But this isn’t your average “my upstairs neighbor is horrible” rant. I’m actually concerned for his sanity (and mine.)

Now, I’m far from a licensed medical anything, but something is seriously off. Every two weeks this man will go into a fit of rage, either fighting himself or upset about something else. I’ll hear him screaming holy terror at the top of his lungs, banging stuff, throwing things around… a few times he’s throwing himself around, having a one-man scuffle all over the floor. And it’s never at 5pm, nooo it’s always at 3, 4, 5am… some ungodly hour usually the night before an early call or photoshoot when I need my sleep the most. (How am I the only neighbor witnessing all of this?)

The first time I didn’t know what was happening, so I went up there myself, like “Can you calm the fuck down please? I have cracks in my ceiling because of you. Calm yourself. Thank you.” Yes, it was a combo of yelling and mothering… and that worked… temporarily.

Until the next time, I hear him yelling at himself, then straight up glass shattering everywhere, and “AHHHHH!!” and and I’m like hold up… this man needs serious help. So I called the police, who of course do nothing, and tell me to call 311 next time. Cool.

Except ever since that day I called the police, I’ve seen him in the elevator a few times, and I swear this man won’t even look at me, seriously tense elevator rides.

So what do I do? Keep calling 311? What if one day he ACTUALLY hurts himself? What if one day, he decides to have a spontaneous raging fit, except he comes down the fire escape and takes it out on me?

I really can’t afford to move right now, and why should I have to? When I’ve been here for 2 years and he’s been here for 3 months? And okay, then some poor soul moves in after me and deals with the same thing… then what?

I wish he could just take his meds or see his doctor or something and just get better because this screaming bloody murder, banging and hollering and stuff is just out of control.

Something has to give.