Love lost.

This time last year, I was content with benching myself for #cuffing season, and en route to my first SOLO international trip for a full month!

This year I thought it would be the same, but not so much. It feels as if things are (slowly) moving with my career, but my love life is nowhere to be seen.

I thought I had potential with this one long distance guy (I think I mentioned earlier… the one I had been seeing roughly every month and a half…)

But I just came back from a short local “bae-cation” and while it was so much fun hanging out with him, the sexual/romantic chemistry just seems to be seriously lacking. I think it’s a combo of him being on the introvert/non-affectionate side, while I’m an extrovert/introvert hybrid and a HUGE mush-ball. He’s also extremely effeminate, which wouldn’t be a problem if his sex drive was there, but I’ve been patiently waiting for this side to appear and I don’t see that getting better over time. His drive seems downright suppressed or non-existent tbh. (And yes, I asked him.. gently… if he was gay or bi, he said no, and I have no choice but to take his word on that.) It really sucks though, cuz outside of the whole sexual chemistry thing, this guy is AMAZEBALLS.

I hate the fact that my logic and emotions often conflict and go their own separate ways. Logically, I’m perfectly content with continuing to lock myself up in a cave and just focusing on work and creative pursuits. Then my emotions and sex drive want come knocking, and here I am, Sunday night, super lonely, wondering why this shit is so hard. (If I were a man, that’d be a funny pun hah, but I mean this.. having/finding a romantic partner shit.)

But even if I were to dust off my dating profile and start actively looking again, it looks like there’s no one to be found. All the men around me are great on paper, but none are emotionally available. They’re all either heartbroken, living the free agent lifestyle, immature or all of the above.

I just wish I had:

  • someone geeky, cute, smart and funny to talk to
  • someone to cuddle with
  • someone who gets me
  • someone who is emotionally available and willing to form a deep intimate connection
  • someone whose sex drive and affectionate ways match mine
  • someone about that power couple life
  • Bonus: Donald Glover or Pharrell lol

all wrapped into one.

But…………… I don’t.

Ugh. =/


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