Power. Decision. Action.

I watched a motivational video today by P.J. Dixon, with a powerful and timely message. I am often paralyzed by indecision, overwhelmed with all the options and directions available to me.

The speakers advice was to incorporate the method of P.D.A. – Power Decision Action.

  1. Power. Put yourself in a position of power by aligning your mind, heart and spirit. This can be done in whatever method you prefer – meditation, prayer, stillness, etc.
  2. Decision. Once you are in a position of alignment, simply ask yourself, “what’s next?” And the decision will come through you. 
  3. Action. As soon as the decision comes to light, immediately take action. Don’t role over in bed, or go on Facebook, or go to make a sandwich etc. This is the most important part. No decision can be made without action. You must put your decision into action ASAP.

I will be incorporating this into my life starting today. I know if I approach my decisions with this method, I will be able to work towards all my goals with clarity and confidence.

2017 half – year checkin.

I’m really diggin 2017.

Besides my big international month-long solo trip in winter 2016, last year was for the birds. I guess if one were to compare this year to last year it’d be a no-brainer in terms of “it can only go up from here,” but I wasn’t so sure. There was a moment when I wasn’t sure if anything would get better.

But here I am, in what I feel is and will continue to be one of the best years of my life. And that’s not to say things have been smooth sailing with sands of gold along the shore. Quite the contrary. It actually feels as if I have a resistance band or ball and chain on my ankle for every. single. move. that I make.

But hey, I’m moving! I’m getting somewhere. And that’s something to smile about.

 

Things I’m loving about this year:

HELLO ENLIGHTENMENT! I have had an insatiable appetite for audiobooks, quotes, random knowledge, philosophy, and positive psychology this year. (Even more than I usually do.) All of the books I have “read” so far have had a major impact on my psyche, my behavior patterns and have changed my life for the better. I feel I am blossoming into the best version of myself mentally.

My self-love is off the charts. I’ve had some hiccups on the dating scene, but they have been extremely minor. Mainly because 1) I can now spot fuckboy fukkery from 100 miles away 2) I’ve given up dating for the most part in general… I know, kinda sad, but…3) I’ve been focusing on ME. I’ve been analyzing my sources of joy, when I feel depressed, what lifts me out of of that temporary depression, etc. and piling on the self-love accordingly.

A general sense of freedom, purpose, and pending success. I’m still jobless, yes. I also have a crappy quality reel (footage not my acting!), some B+ headshots and I haven’t nailed any big acting projects yet. But I still feel alive and am excited for something major to pop off this year. My intuition is flaring off the charts and deep down I know it’s not just blind optimism. And even if it is, I’m also taking matters into my own hands by simultaneously creating THREE of my own projects. And hey, those can be a catalyst too.

Quote: The only “break” anyone can afford to rely upon is a self-made “break. – Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

More quality relationships with friends and family. I’ve never been a “go to the club every weekend” kind of girl, but boy have I really been a hermit this year. The upside of this is I’ve been spending lots of time on the phone or catching up with my closest loved ones. I feel like a better best friend, daughter and granddaughter than I have been in the past.

“Networking” 365/7. I’ve been meeting and connecting with so many cool people left and right. I’ve discovered that film festivals and screenings are the best way to meet industry folks, notable directors, legit producers and talented writers, and it’s now my networking method of choice. But in general, people have just been falling into my lap! Uber drivers who are filmmakers, Facebook friends who I haven’t spoken to in ages who are now illustrators and animators working on a film, or interesting creatives and positive people who just want to chat and link. I love people, man. Humanity really shows its best self if you are open and giving of yourself in return.

Taking my craft 3000% seriously. This is an addition to the enlightenment bullet, but the hunger for knowledge extends to growth in my career. I’ve been fine-tuning my craft, doing the work, seeking out extra training, learning from mistakes, reading the greats, watching films and reading plays as homework, learning from my peers, analyzing all art forms, anything that will help me grow as an actress and storyteller, and consequently as a human being.

At the beginning of the year, there was a fun gif with the question: “What will you manifest this year?” with random words flashing underneath. You had to take a screenshot to “reveal your 2017 destiny.” My destiny reavealed: UNICORN. I joked around with friends and said does this mean unicorn as in love or inner unicorn? And someone said jokingly replied, both!

Six months into the year, I’m happy to say I’ve already found both — my inner unicorn and also my enhanced self-love! I’m looking forward to how the next six months pan out  I make my mark on the next six months.

Everything is a choice and I choose happiness and success.

Silver linings — new perspectives.

So after waking up and having an amazing day, compared to the yesterday of crappiness… I realize that I need to change my perspective on auditioning. Despite being an actress, and despite having solid interview, presentation and public speaking skills, there have been numerous times where I have fell flat in the audition room. (Not as bad as yesterday’s incident though.)

Before, I used to think I needed more training, (which I always will) but I really just need more confidence and a change in perspective on auditions.

In the corporate world, I can interview my pants off for any marketing role I desire. I walk into every interview extremely confident in my expertise, knowing exactly what value I bring to any company, what I’m worth, and I view every interview as a mutual evaluation. So why the hell would my approach to auditions be any different? And why haven’t I connected the two sooner?! I’m baffled at why I haven’t transferred these skills over, until now.

From this day forward,  I am viewing each audition as a simple meet-and-greet. The part is already mine, and qualification is not a question, they just need to see me.  The only thing left is a merely a matter of is this the right fit? and do I want to collaborate with this particular production/project?

Boom. New perspective.

I already feel empowered.

Can you feel a brand new day?

Today was 10x better than yesterday’s bad day fluke.

Weather was amazing. Hair salon was speedy and efficient. Iced chai latte was on point. Chicken sandwich with fries from a random cafe was surprisingly delicious. Photoshoot was poppin. Call with my manager was extremely pleasant.  Test read for film pilot was promising. Cast was hilarious. Full moon was BEAUTIFUL. And bonus — good news came knockin. I booked another role for one of those murder mystery minidoc TV shows. The pay is horrendous, but hey, I’m not complaining. It’s an extra IMDb credit and more footage for the reel.

 

Shittiness

Things had been picking up over the past few weeks. Opportunities and bookings were rolling in, and the vibes were just so positive and promising.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday I was feeling off. I had an audition that I knew I wasn’t right for. I even requested two other roles after they sent me the sides, but the director insisted on that one. I’ve wanted to work with this director for a minute, so I went in anyway.

When I first walked in the room, some of the other decision makers were even surprised at which character I was reading for. “Rachel? Oh. Hmmm.” wtf!? Frustrating.

Then… we started the audition.

I bombed. Just up in flames. My head wasn’t in it, I was nervous, I even asked midway to start over! Ughhhhhh. I’ve never done that in my entire acting career, and yet there I was… feeling hot all over, looking like such an amateur. They sent me back outside to give me 5 minutes while they took someone else. Beyond embarrassing.

The second time in the room, my head was still out of the game, but I mustered up all the energy, presence and preparation I had. I have no idea what was going on with me. But yup, I can’t help but feel as if that audition, (and my first impression with that director) just went up in smoke.

“How are you feeling? Do you want her to read again?”

“Nope. I think we’re good here.”

F.M.L.

(This morning I boldly asked the director for feedback, since I like torture I guess. lol. At this point though, I really have nothing to lose.)

After my shitty audition, I was also scheduled for a call with my manager to discuss a few contracts and fill her in on the projects I had booked on my own. This ended up in a tense, frustrating lecture: “This contract is vague. I need you to protect yourself more,” “Is this a meeting or a consultation? Why are you offering advice for free?” “Don’t you value yourself, your time and your work?” “Do you think Kerry Washington or Beyonce or any other leading entertainer is walking in a meeting for free? Would they put up with this?”

Precisely the loving conversation I needed after a crappy audition. I did need to hear it though. -_-

On another note, today is a new, beautiful day. I have a photoshoot and a reading for a film. My manager said not to let my disappointment from the audition appear in my photos today. So I’m still trying to beat myself up less, and find the silver lining. I’ll let you know when it decides to show up.

Btw. I know for a fact that I have some new lurkers reading this anonymous online journal who are wayyy too close to home. (Thanks to my accidental direct link post to friends and family.) No one has brought it up to me, but I can see direct Google searches in my stats. lol. I’m just going to pretend like they aren’t here.

I FOUND A SILVER LINING! See my post titled “Silver linings.

Forget finding your purpose, choose your purpose instead.

My latest audiotreat is Miracle Morning, by Hal Erod. It took a while (about 5 chapters of fluff to be exact) for the book to warm up, and the narrator’s delivery is beyond cheesy, but now it’s gotten to the good part. I’ll be sure to share my takeaways later in another journal entry.

However, I do want to share an important takeaway from the book right now– the concept of choosing your purpose. In the book, Erod makes a great point: too many people are waiting to discover their life’s purpose, when in reality they get to decide what it is. What’s even better, he says, is that your life purpose can be whatever you choose it to be, and you can change it whenever and however many times you want. How cool is that!

If you’re looking to choose your purpose in life, here are additional tips (from me!) on how to get the most out of the exercise:

  • Try to keep it as simple as possible, you’ll get straight to the point and it’ll be easier to remember.
  • Meditate on your strongest skills and your sources of joy. Do you notice any themes? What do they all have in common?
  • When choosing a purpose there is no right or wrong. Just make sure you stay true to you. I.e. a dancer might decide their purpose is to “push the limitations of the human body” or “spread joy and love through dance”

Here’s what I chose this morning:

My purpose is to empower others through the art of storytelling.
(man, wtf!)

If I had a million bulletpoints the subtext would say:

  • by sharing lessons learned along the way
  • with joy, laughter and positive energy
  • To help them live their best life (one of my versions had this in there at first, but I cut it down)
  • MAN,WTF! stands for music, acting, (k)nowledge, technology, writing, film, and anything goes! =) I might take it out later, but the acronym made me laugh so much, I just had to keep it for now.

So there you have it:

Empower others through the art of storytelling.
(man, wtf!)

Haha it gets me every time. I’m already imagining when I share this during my appearance on Ellen *smirk emoji*