Stop acting like you live twice.

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Deeper.

There’s this guy. ( I know, I know.) I’ve been avoiding trying to catch feelings for him, because he’s long distance. And to be honest, I can’t distinguish between if it’s fantasy or real, since 90% of our interactions have been on the phone due to distance. We agreed since we don’t want to do long distance, that we would try to decrease the communication since things would get confusing.  I hate to say it, but the decision is affecting me and it sucks.

Which led me to a realization today —

Deep down inside, I think I’m afraid of being alone. I thought my biggest fear was fear of failure or not achieving the lofty goals I have for myself, but maybe it’s rooted in this one. The fear of not being fully loved. Of not finding a romantic (and attractive lol) partner who gets me and wants to ride out life together.

So when someone promising comes along, I hold tight. Tighter than normal and probably definitely tighter and longer than I should. And while I’ve grown leaps and bounds in self-love, I still recognized this fear lingering in my heart today.

So I did what any normal human would do. I Googled it.

Here’s what I found:

Darlene Ouimet, Emergingfrombroken.com (Full post)

(I haven’t read her book, I just came across this on her website)

The truth is that people cannot determine my value. I had to learn to determine my own value by realizing just “HOW” I had been defined as less valuable. The truth is that people do not have the right to define me as good enough or not good enough. Each human being has equal value; I just had to look at lies I believed in order to realize they were in fact LIES. I believed that people, my family and my friends could determine my value by the way they regarded me. But this isn’t a truth. I had to stop believing that people could validate me or invalidate me. The truth is that personal value is not based on what I can do for others especially when there is no mutuality involved as had been the case in my life.

My damaged self esteem began to heal when I realized that it wasn’t ME who caused the damage to it in the first place.

Learning to love started with me, learning to love me. It was about being good enough for me. It was about accepting myself but I couldn’t do that until I faced where the “not good enough” messages came from. Little did I know that through facing this truth, I would find my value and my lost identity.  Through that process I was able to embrace myself the way that I had been longing for others to embrace me

Read This If You’re Worried That You’ll Never Find ‘The One’ – Heidi Priebe (Full post)

If you knew, with indisputable certainty, that love was never going to be yours, how would you live your life differently? What about your daily routine would you alter? What about your long-term plans?

… The idea that someday somebody will love all our flaws is a subtle excuse not to work on them. The principle of two halves making a whole restrains us from becoming our own better half. We want someone to swoop in during our darkest hour and save us, but what if we knew they never would? We’d have to start doing everything differently.

… Without the fear of ending up alone, the opportunities open to you would become endless. You could live on every continent. You could scale the corporate ladder. You could go back to school and get that degree you’ve always felt interested in, without worrying about the financial burden your debt may place on somebody else.

… Stop looking for The One to spend the rest of your life with. Be The One.

And let everybody else come searching for you.

Thanks Google. =)

 

Power. Decision. Action.

I watched a motivational video today by P.J. Dixon, with a powerful and timely message. I am often paralyzed by indecision, overwhelmed with all the options and directions available to me.

The speakers advice was to incorporate the method of P.D.A. – Power Decision Action.

  1. Power. Put yourself in a position of power by aligning your mind, heart and spirit. This can be done in whatever method you prefer – meditation, prayer, stillness, etc.
  2. Decision. Once you are in a position of alignment, simply ask yourself, “what’s next?” And the decision will come through you. 
  3. Action. As soon as the decision comes to light, immediately take action. Don’t role over in bed, or go on Facebook, or go to make a sandwich etc. This is the most important part. No decision can be made without action. You must put your decision into action ASAP.

I will be incorporating this into my life starting today. I know if I approach my decisions with this method, I will be able to work towards all my goals with clarity and confidence.

Plot twist!

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Things are actually going amazing for me right now. I’m living in the present and magical people and opportunities have been appearing in my life left and right.

I’ve been meeting so many creatives to collaborate with, and I’m looking forward to what we create. The ONLY mini con is, in terms of actual paid opportunities, there’s a lot of warm eggs… and I’m wondering when they are going to hatch. I keep feeling as if I will achieve and attract life-changing happenings this year, but at the same time… I’m asking myself… okay so what are they?

There’s also the “move to L.A.” bug that keeps buzzing in my ear…. but what about the momentum that is building over here?

what if, what if, what if.

Love you more.

Today’s Facebook wisdom:

“There are issues in every relationship and in mine, we’ve established this concept of “love you more” which means that “I love you more than anything that has happened, is happening or could happen”. This has allowed us to overcome small issues and truly love each other through the tough times. This morning I was reminded that this action can also be used when dealing with people other than your spouse. More importantly, this method should be used on ourselves daily. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, “I love you more” and mean it. Love yourself more than your failures, your mistakes, and your flaws. Love yourself fully so you can love others to the best of your ability!”- JF