Timing. Luck. Talent.

“Show business is like the lottery. It’s not based on who works the hardest, even though hard work pays off, it’s about timing,” Marki Costello explains. “Timing. Luck. Talent.”

http://www.eonline.com/shows/the_drama_queen/news/471142/marki-costello-is-hollywood-royalty-and-she-has-earned-her-title-of-the-drama-queen

The new reality of exclusivity.

“It isn’t merely the representation of female bodies that is at issue: it’s the sheer lack of women in the dance music industry. On festival stages, in club lineups, in positions of power as defined by influence over what people listen to and how much money can be made, women are in the extreme minority. Other than providing some publications occasional opportunities to publish inoffensive lists of “must-hear” female DJs “you need to know,” this gender imbalance does nothing positive for the culture.

Further, the fact that brown and black women are seen as objects fit for consumption of straight white male gaze, and with rare exception, not suitable for a spot behind the decks on a festival main stage is problematic and indicative of the huge gap between mainstream dance music’s ethos of acceptance and its new reality of exclusivity.”

“The core of the dance music scene is its music and delivering a quality product in an economically reasonable manner irrespective of the artists’ identities should be a priority. Still, dance music as we know it was originated by black, Latino, and queer artists who wanted to created safe places for people disenfranchised by mainstream society. These spaceswere where they could find acceptance, community, and a damn good time, away from the straight white male patriarchy. In a cruel twist of fate, that patriarchy is now the ruling class of this once underground culture.”

https://thump.vice.com/en_ca/article/edm-doesnt-have-a-women-problem-it-has-a-straight-white-guy-problem

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Other thoughts: I would love to make and act in a biopic about Frankie Knuckles someday.

Truth doesn’t require you to believe it.

“Truth doesn’t require you to believe it. The same can be said of reality, science, and facts. These things prevail even in an age when much credit is given to managing perception. I find comfort in stumbling upon this insight during my early morning reflections.” – regina

While she’s talking about the current state of our nation, I found additional insight that can be applied to external doubt. If you have a dream or goal, it can prevail even if others doubt you. The constant you need is belief in yourself and your vision. You know your strengths and capabilities better than anyone else. So you can rest assured by betting on yourself.

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Right now, I’m feeling the toll of doubt from others. Two bosses who have made it clear that my work and expertise wasn’t good enough for them. An industry where the collective rejection – lack of callbacks, lack of work, lack of agency representation – makes it appear as if my acting and/or looks aren’t good enough. And entering another industry where I know my current music production experience is nowhere near good enough. Yet.

I needed this quote this morning to remind me:

If you’re smart, creative, nimble and persistent, you can do anything. Just maintain that belief in yourself. Water always finds a way, and so will I. Even if I can’t see it yet.

Cash me onstage, how bow dah. (revisit)

It’s hard not to compare yourself to others, especially when you see some of your friends and peers living out your dreams. Sometimes it feels as if I made a wrong turn, or chose the zig zag path. Sometimes doubt kicks in. And after the doubt is quickly erased and pushed out of memory, I still wonder: am I in denial? Does wanting it badly enough and working hard always lead to a successful outcome? How do I remain consistent when there’s so many things I want to do?

They say shoot for the moon, shoot for the stars… but what if you’re still deciding who you are, where you stand? I mean, I’m still looking for a starting line, did I miss it? It feels like I’m running a race. Other times I feel like running away and escaping all the pressure, cuz confession: I still don’t know who I am. Like who am I meant to be? What is God’s plan for me? When will I meet my destiny?  And why can’t I ever see it so damn clearly, like others do? (or pretend to) And is it in His hands, or do I have a say?

Alright, so I could be rushing things… again. I just feel like I’m running out of time. I feel like I’m on the outside… still looking on the outside…

whhhhhew. Just breathe. Take it day, by day, by day….

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Okay for kicks, I’ll go REALLY BIG then.Career only. Put some crazy things out into the “universe” on this anonymous blog/diary. If even one of these sticks, I will be a happy camper!

2017:

  • I will be admired for my creativity and vision in acting, film and music. This admiration will be conveyed in the form of publicity, red carpet appearances, invite only networking events, increased opportunities and money.
  • I will live completely off of acting, hosting and music and make more than $100K in earnings!
  • I will publish my first EP in 2017! And it will receive 1,000 downloads.
  • I will have an acting reel that I am proud of.

2018:

  • I will produce and star in my own show (and be paid for it!)
  • I will be on Spotify, Pandora, Shazam, Apple Music.
  • I will live in and afford a chic apartment or condo I am proud of
  • I will take my dad on vacation
  • I will be on the Forbes 30 under 30 list.

2019: (2 years)

  • I will be paid to travel the world, meet new people and record my journey.
  • I will work with Chance the Rapper!
  • I will hit 1M views on Youtube.
  • I will have a guest role on Atlanta or similar show that I admire.

2020: (3 years)

  • I will be in a project that plays at Sundance or Cannes. And win.
  • I will pay off my student loans.
  • I will make an appearance on Ellen.

2022: (5 years)

  • I will be a household name for my positive impact on the world.
  • I will have a leading role on a television (or netflix, amazon etc) series.
  • I will star in a major motion picture.
  • I will have a song that hits Billboard #1.
  • I will buy my mom a house.
  • I will buy myself a house.
  • I will own my own business and/or product line.

2024: (7 years)

  • I will be my own version of Childish Gambino / Donald Glover.
  • I will have the means to be an angel investor for a company I believe in.

2027: (10 years)

  • I will win a Grammy.
  • I will win an Emmy.
  • I will meet the Obamas and Oprah. (lol just threw this one in there)

* I revised these an hour later to remove all practicalities and realisms. Dreaming really REALLY big is kinda hard! This was an exercise in freeing my limitations and I wanted these to be absolutely ridiculous and as random as possible.

I will spend time visualizing and saying each one aloud and will call it a night.

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Update- 5/29/17: I’ve revisited this page 5 times.

Continued Navigation.

The “non-date” happened. At a cute intimate date spot, Red Compass. We had the whole place to ourselves. But the meeting was professional, he also mentioned his girlfriend about 3 times, and I mentioned her about 2 times… so that was extra clear on both sides. haha.

Lots of production tips and insight into Virtual Reality came from this meeting. This VR thing might just become a… thing.

(please ignore my simple vocabulary)

“The biggest thing in this industry is consistency.” – RMM