“Be as patient as you are ambitious.” -anon from a music chat
This is somewhat of a continuation from yesterday’s post.
Where you lay your head to rest every night is way more important than you think.
Granted, not everyone has the luxury of having a warm, safe place to sleep at night. I am grateful to have shelter, but I also want to talk about how your sanctuary contributes to the sanctuary of your mind.
I used to just rent the best place in my overly stringent budget. When I was first starting out, that meant some pretty shitty places and situations. I’m talking 5-7 disgusting roommates, one who smoked in his room, and combined they had 3 cats who they’d let roam free INCLUDING ON THE STOVE TOP. (nightmarish situations)
Right now, I am in what I thought was going to be a cute lil apartment. Instead, 2.5 years later, I have:
- a bathroom ceiling that is literally about to cave in from leaks,
- cracks in my ceiling and headaches from my upstairs neighbor that has mental health issues and fits of violent rage against himself, (I’ve tried multiple ways to help/report, believe me.)
- sleepless nights from my next door neighbor blasting (and “singing”) Rihanna’s ‘Stay’ on repeat for the past month at the top of his cigarette-smoke damaged lungs, (literally screaming down the hall and coughing up a lung .025 seconds later)
- OCD issues from this roach-infested building
- PTSD and diatomaceous earth dust all over my apartment from multiple bed bug experiences
- Bare walls and a half-decorated apartment because I’m always afraid bed bugs will come back in from the neighbors
Yet I stayed. I stayed for 2 1/2 years. Why? A combo of reasons:
- I didn’t want to go through the effort of finding another place to live in the NYC real estate climate
- I wasn’t sure what I could afford or what I would be approved for ( I didn’t even look)
- I have a bias against roommates
- I thought it would get better
- Paralyzation from being overwhelmed
- I misjudged the effect a place of residence has on the human psyche
I was so embarrassed about my apartment. I never had people come or stay over, maybe about 8 people total have been to my place over the past 2 1/2 years. 8 people over maybe 12 visits total. The last time I had company was when my mother stayed over for my Uncle’s funeral in August 2016. When I worked from home, I was the most depressed I had ever been. I often would choose to eat out, because I knew if I cooked something delicious, I would probably wake up to a sneaky bug that crawled in from the hallway or the wall overnight.
I’m not rolling in the dough, I’m actually jobless right now. And as soon as I move to LA in the next few weeks, I will be “homeless.” But one thing I will be taking with me on this move is the lessons I’ve learned from my nightmarish apartments. And that means:
- A clean building w/ attentive management (or I will push for immediate action on issues)
- A modern, bright place w/ central air/heating
- Laundry in apt or building
- Hiring an interior designer for my room
- A kitchen I can cook in
- Roommates if I must, in order to afford such a place (most likely)
- A sanctuary I can call home
I can be frugal to a fault. I have no problem spending or traveling a few extra hours to get a good deal, or save money. But over the years, I’ve learned that it’s okay to pay a premium in exchange for peace of mind.
Let me say that again for the people in the back:
It’s okay to pay a premium in exchange for peace of mind.
Definitely DO NOT go overboard if you don’t have a premium amount in your bank account. haha But if paying an extra $50 to fly into BUR rather than LAX, spending $15 on an uber late at night rather than public transport, or spending $ on a unique experience you really want to do while traveling will contribute your overall happiness, decrease your stress and significantly save time, I say go for it.
Success isn’t a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.
~Arnold H. Glasow
From my bestie:
“Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t either.
Look at how many birds migrate south for the winter.” – AT
Overheard in Brooklyn. A mother talking to her daughter:
“Whenever you fight anything in life…
(fighting for love, fighting cancer, fighting change, arguing…)
you should know that “fighting” never works.”
Just when life was starting to pick up momentum and I had “nothing to complain about,” the funding for my job gets cut. Now I’m jobless with zero income coming in.
The amount of times this has happened to me out of the blue is laughable. But at least this time, I wasn’t screwed over. I’m definitely bummed though. I loved my boss, my team, the people I met daily on the street, the streetwear fashion, I loved that job.
As with change, I’m also disoriented from having the “off-white” carpet ripped from under me. What do I do know? Do I finally head over to LA? If anyone is looking for an actress/host, let me know.
Why do I keep getting glimpses of success and momentum? When will it finally culminate into one big break?
I want my rocket ship, my upside down avalanche of achievement. And I want it now.