Because of our mindset, we’ve already made it.

“Because of our mindset, we already made it.” LDT

We’ve already made it. Now it’s just about enjoying the journey from A to B.


2017 half – year checkin.

I’m really diggin 2017.

Besides my big international month-long solo trip in winter 2016, last year was for the birds. I guess if one were to compare this year to last year it’d be a no-brainer in terms of “it can only go up from here,” but I wasn’t so sure. There was a moment when I wasn’t sure if anything would get better.

But here I am, in what I feel is and will continue to be one of the best years of my life. And that’s not to say things have been smooth sailing with sands of gold along the shore. Quite the contrary. It actually feels as if I have a resistance band or ball and chain on my ankle for every. single. move. that I make.

But hey, I’m moving! I’m getting somewhere. And that’s something to smile about.


Things I’m loving about this year:

HELLO ENLIGHTENMENT! I have had an insatiable appetite for audiobooks, quotes, random knowledge, philosophy, and positive psychology this year. (Even more than I usually do.) All of the books I have “read” so far have had a major impact on my psyche, my behavior patterns and have changed my life for the better. I feel I am blossoming into the best version of myself mentally.

My self-love is off the charts. I’ve had some hiccups on the dating scene, but they have been extremely minor. Mainly because 1) I can now spot fuckboy fukkery from 100 miles away 2) I’ve given up dating for the most part in general… I know, kinda sad, but…3) I’ve been focusing on ME. I’ve been analyzing my sources of joy, when I feel depressed, what lifts me out of of that temporary depression, etc. and piling on the self-love accordingly.

A general sense of freedom, purpose, and pending success. I’m still jobless, yes. I also have a crappy quality reel (footage not my acting!), some B+ headshots and I haven’t nailed any big acting projects yet. But I still feel alive and am excited for something major to pop off this year. My intuition is flaring off the charts and deep down I know it’s not just blind optimism. And even if it is, I’m also taking matters into my own hands by simultaneously creating THREE of my own projects. And hey, those can be a catalyst too.

Quote: The only “break” anyone can afford to rely upon is a self-made “break. – Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

More quality relationships with friends and family. I’ve never been a “go to the club every weekend” kind of girl, but boy have I really been a hermit this year. The upside of this is I’ve been spending lots of time on the phone or catching up with my closest loved ones. I feel like a better best friend, daughter and granddaughter than I have been in the past.

“Networking” 365/7. I’ve been meeting and connecting with so many cool people left and right. I’ve discovered that film festivals and screenings are the best way to meet industry folks, notable directors, legit producers and talented writers, and it’s now my networking method of choice. But in general, people have just been falling into my lap! Uber drivers who are filmmakers, Facebook friends who I haven’t spoken to in ages who are now illustrators and animators working on a film, or interesting creatives and positive people who just want to chat and link. I love people, man. Humanity really shows its best self if you are open and giving of yourself in return.

Taking my craft 3000% seriously. This is an addition to the enlightenment bullet, but the hunger for knowledge extends to growth in my career. I’ve been fine-tuning my craft, doing the work, seeking out extra training, learning from mistakes, reading the greats, watching films and reading plays as homework, learning from my peers, analyzing all art forms, anything that will help me grow as an actress and storyteller, and consequently as a human being.

At the beginning of the year, there was a fun gif with the question: “What will you manifest this year?” with random words flashing underneath. You had to take a screenshot to “reveal your 2017 destiny.” My destiny reavealed: UNICORN. I joked around with friends and said does this mean unicorn as in love or inner unicorn? And someone said jokingly replied, both!

Six months into the year, I’m happy to say I’ve already found both — my inner unicorn and also my enhanced self-love! I’m looking forward to how the next six months pan out  I make my mark on the next six months.

Everything is a choice and I choose happiness and success.

No bad days.

Woke up to my mother calling me, lecturing me. Completely unexpected and not the way I thought I would start the day. I hung up on her.

Not the best or most considerate move, but my first immediate thought was “negative energy, protect your mental state.” Ten minutes later after I grabbed my coffee and walked to the train, I called her back. No answer. I sent her a text saying I understand where she’s coming from, why my impulse was to hang up, i love her and hope she has a good day.

Definitely could have handled that situation better, but it’s hard for me to sit back, assess and diffuse a situation in the moment, in the face of aggression.

What I DID learn from this morning’s “drama” however was:

1) The importance and impact of aggression and anger: Whether a person is in the right or wrong, I don’t want anyone to feel how I felt this morning or begin their day like that– feeling attacked and on the defensive. It could set a negative tone for the rest if the day. In this case, I can admit I was 72% in the wrong, but was unaware until she brought it to my attention. I had no idea how she was feeling, and it was clear she was sitting on it, letting boil up so she could have a cathartic release when she finally got me on the phone. Rather than sending a text when she was initially bothered or considering her delivery which would have led to a better outcome.

I can’t control others, but it was a lesson on how I choose to deliver my critiques or anger towards others in the future. It was also a lesson in stepping back, removing my defenses and seeing the fact that the majority of the wrongdoing was on me.

2) Protecting my inner peace and mental state: Hanging up the phone as an action was not correct, but the first mental instinct was. I sensed negative energy that seemingly came out of nowhere, and I refused to let that set the tone for my day. I made sure I was patient and thanked the woman who prepared my iced coffee, I inadvertently made the elderly Jehovah’s Witness woman standing next to the subway turnstile laugh with my super enthusiatic Bonjour! response; I called and texted my mother back with good intention and love behind my communication. Conscious decision or not, I didn’t want to continue spreading the aggression and bad vibes around. My day and spirits were instantly lifted because of this.

I’m not a fan of the holier than thou approach, I hope this entry doesn’t come across this way. I was just pleased with the accidental lessons learned and reflection that resulted from a negative circumstance and wanted to keep a record of this moment.