2017 half – year checkin.

I’m really diggin 2017.

Besides my big international month-long solo trip in winter 2016, last year was for the birds. I guess if one were to compare this year to last year it’d be a no-brainer in terms of “it can only go up from here,” but I wasn’t so sure. There was a moment when I wasn’t sure if anything would get better.

But here I am, in what I feel is and will continue to be one of the best years of my life. And that’s not to say things have been smooth sailing with sands of gold along the shore. Quite the contrary. It actually feels as if I have a resistance band or ball and chain on my ankle for every. single. move. that I make.

But hey, I’m moving! I’m getting somewhere. And that’s something to smile about.

 

Things I’m loving about this year:

HELLO ENLIGHTENMENT! I have had an insatiable appetite for audiobooks, quotes, random knowledge, philosophy, and positive psychology this year. (Even more than I usually do.) All of the books I have “read” so far have had a major impact on my psyche, my behavior patterns and have changed my life for the better. I feel I am blossoming into the best version of myself mentally.

My self-love is off the charts. I’ve had some hiccups on the dating scene, but they have been extremely minor. Mainly because 1) I can now spot fuckboy fukkery from 100 miles away 2) I’ve given up dating for the most part in general… I know, kinda sad, but…3) I’ve been focusing on ME. I’ve been analyzing my sources of joy, when I feel depressed, what lifts me out of of that temporary depression, etc. and piling on the self-love accordingly.

A general sense of freedom, purpose, and pending success. I’m still jobless, yes. I also have a crappy quality reel (footage not my acting!), some B+ headshots and I haven’t nailed any big acting projects yet. But I still feel alive and am excited for something major to pop off this year. My intuition is flaring off the charts and deep down I know it’s not just blind optimism. And even if it is, I’m also taking matters into my own hands by simultaneously creating THREE of my own projects. And hey, those can be a catalyst too.

Quote: The only “break” anyone can afford to rely upon is a self-made “break. – Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

More quality relationships with friends and family. I’ve never been a “go to the club every weekend” kind of girl, but boy have I really been a hermit this year. The upside of this is I’ve been spending lots of time on the phone or catching up with my closest loved ones. I feel like a better best friend, daughter and granddaughter than I have been in the past.

“Networking” 365/7. I’ve been meeting and connecting with so many cool people left and right. I’ve discovered that film festivals and screenings are the best way to meet industry folks, notable directors, legit producers and talented writers, and it’s now my networking method of choice. But in general, people have just been falling into my lap! Uber drivers who are filmmakers, Facebook friends who I haven’t spoken to in ages who are now illustrators and animators working on a film, or interesting creatives and positive people who just want to chat and link. I love people, man. Humanity really shows its best self if you are open and giving of yourself in return.

Taking my craft 3000% seriously. This is an addition to the enlightenment bullet, but the hunger for knowledge extends to growth in my career. I’ve been fine-tuning my craft, doing the work, seeking out extra training, learning from mistakes, reading the greats, watching films and reading plays as homework, learning from my peers, analyzing all art forms, anything that will help me grow as an actress and storyteller, and consequently as a human being.

At the beginning of the year, there was a fun gif with the question: “What will you manifest this year?” with random words flashing underneath. You had to take a screenshot to “reveal your 2017 destiny.” My destiny reavealed: UNICORN. I joked around with friends and said does this mean unicorn as in love or inner unicorn? And someone said jokingly replied, both!

Six months into the year, I’m happy to say I’ve already found both — my inner unicorn and also my enhanced self-love! I’m looking forward to how the next six months pan out  I make my mark on the next six months.

Everything is a choice and I choose happiness and success.

Paralyzed.

Since I stopped freelancing for the tech company, I’ve been living off of savings for 2 months. I swore off the traditional clients…and promised myself that from now on, any job I accept must have one of these elements:

1 – allow me to be on-camera,

2 – involve video/creativity, or

3 – somehow incorporate my storytelling/content creation skills.

I know I must focus ALL of my efforts towards the same end goal rather than putting a lot of time and energy into solely tech marketing for random startups… which even though I enjoy the challenges, doesn’t really get me anywhere near my goals as an actress and music influencer.

However:

During these past 2 months, I have enjoyed the glimpses of potential roles, blissful freedom do to whatever I want, and a plethora of opportunities to collab…  but I still haven’t found a JOB. That one thing or service (in entertainment/media) that’s going to pay the bills (while I still act.) It’s extremely uncomfortable having money go out the door with nothing coming back in.

But guess what’s worse than diarrhea of the bank account:

Doubt.

I’m having doubts about whether this opportunity will ever come.  Doubts about whether the status quo is there for a reason, and I’m just being a lazy millenial f*ck and just need to suck it up and slave away; reducing my passions to a side job or afterthought, until I can afford to focus on them full time. And it sucks. Because the doubt leads to indecision. I can’t make a damn decision about whether to wait, do something else, move to LA, stay in NY, or do anything at all!

But deep deep down, past the doubt on the surface, I still have heart and I still have faith. Something has to work out. It has to. Every night I’m willing my self-conscious to reveal the way and make the answers clear. I just need to make a decision.

Miracle mornings. Miracle life.

My takeaways from the audiobook:

Your life purpose is whatever you choose it to be, and you can change it whenever and however many times as you want. 
Every action you take has a consequence and it affects the person you choose to be. There is no such thing as an isolated occurrence. If you choose to snooze your alarm, take the easy route, wait to go to the gym or act on your dream project tomorrow, it all has a major affect on the person you choose to be. This impact can be positive or negative and is completely up to you. Choose wisely. 

Forget finding your purpose, choose your purpose instead.

My latest audiotreat is Miracle Morning, by Hal Erod. It took a while (about 5 chapters of fluff to be exact) for the book to warm up, and the narrator’s delivery is beyond cheesy, but now it’s gotten to the good part. I’ll be sure to share my takeaways later in another journal entry.

However, I do want to share an important takeaway from the book right now– the concept of choosing your purpose. In the book, Erod makes a great point: too many people are waiting to discover their life’s purpose, when in reality they get to decide what it is. What’s even better, he says, is that your life purpose can be whatever you choose it to be, and you can change it whenever and however many times you want. How cool is that!

If you’re looking to choose your purpose in life, here are additional tips (from me!) on how to get the most out of the exercise:

  • Try to keep it as simple as possible, you’ll get straight to the point and it’ll be easier to remember.
  • Meditate on your strongest skills and your sources of joy. Do you notice any themes? What do they all have in common?
  • When choosing a purpose there is no right or wrong. Just make sure you stay true to you. I.e. a dancer might decide their purpose is to “push the limitations of the human body” or “spread joy and love through dance”

Here’s what I chose this morning:

My purpose is to empower others through the art of storytelling.
(man, wtf!)

If I had a million bulletpoints the subtext would say:

  • by sharing lessons learned along the way
  • with joy, laughter and positive energy
  • To help them live their best life (one of my versions had this in there at first, but I cut it down)
  • MAN,WTF! stands for music, acting, (k)nowledge, technology, writing, film, and anything goes! =) I might take it out later, but the acronym made me laugh so much, I just had to keep it for now.

So there you have it:

Empower others through the art of storytelling.
(man, wtf!)

Haha it gets me every time. I’m already imagining when I share this during my appearance on Ellen *smirk emoji*